Skip to main content

First Post - Reasons & Rules For Writing.



This isn't my first go at this whole blogging thing.

In fact anyone reading this who has known me since I was 16 will be aware of this. That in a former life, if nine years ago can be called that, I had a blog where I used to write ill informed comment pieces. Those of you who payed close attention to it at the time, and undoubtedly I am describing a vanishingly small sample size, will remember a couple of things.

Namely, the narrative voice was of a snarky, ill informed teenager who read to much Vice, not enough theory and the comments pages of the Sunday Times with disturbing frequency.

As well as this my imaginary reader may recall the posting was often infrequent, mostly poorly researched, and some times contradictory. It relied to much on commenting on comment - which in all fairness can be forgiven. I was 16. It is however something I will try and avoid in the future

Those of you who read everything I posted - at this point it is now extremely likely that the sample size discussed has dropped to include only me - may also remember that I enjoyed writing it. This would probably have been clear from reading it. There is no other reason to have produced it. Especially given that it lacked originality, insight, basic structure, proper syntax and grammar, any clear sense of editorial message, a more than negligible readership or any personal gain on my part, financial or otherwise(1).

The only reason I wrote then, was for fun. That's something I want to do again. Which seems overly earnest - and if there is any place not to be earnest it is on the internet.

But there you go, call me Hemingway(2).

With all of what has been said in the proceeding four paragraphs and a sentence firmly in mind(3) let's turn to the actual point of this post. I am going to start blogging again.

There are a few reasons why. As I've been through, it's for fun mostly. There's also the burning need  to write opinions down and publish them in some format. So I am wary of annoying my Facebook contacts by posting frequently about politics(4). Thus, this thing.

So without further ado let's non-sequituously launch into:

[INSERT NUMBER HERE] RULES FOR BLOGGING ON THIS BLOG(5).

NUMBER ONE - Try, as much as is possible, to limit the scope of the subject matter written about to things you have a decent amount of knowledge about. Lest you look a twat in the eyes of others.

This generally doesn't actually close off that many possible topics to write on, the point is that most people have a subject matter, theoretical method or writing style that they can employ when writing. The idea being to find it and give the reader a unique and interesting perspective. There is a sub-rule to this rule, which would be to try as much as it is possible to not cover topics that have been done to death and try to avoid commenting on comment. Which is a rule I used to break pretty much every time I wrote.

NUMBER TWO - TRY, AS MUCH AS IS POSSIBLE, TO AVOID USING ALL-CAPS, OR ANY OTHER STYLISTIC DEVICE THAT BREAKS THE RULES OF GENERAL GOOD WRITING WHERE THE AIM IS TO INTENSIFY OR ILLUSTRATE A POINT. LEST YOU LOOK A TWAT IN THE EYES OF OTHERS.

It feels like getting shouted at when you read it and makes people think you're stupid, the second one being the thing that should bother you more. Much like using more than one exclamation point doesn't intensify the point, it just makes you look a thick cunt!!!!!! This rule also includes deliberately misspelling or breaking grammatical rules in an attempt to question the intelligence of others. Dat meks u luk lyk a elitist cunt, wich meks u luk spoopid 2.

NUMBER THREE - Avoid Cliches. Lest you look a twat in the eyes of others.

This is actually a cliche in style guides, but it's a good rule none the less.

NUMBER FOUR -  Avoid sensationalism, sloppy quotations, poor referencing or outright misrepresentation and falsehood. Lest you look a twat in the eyes of others.

At pain of breaking rule number three I'm not going to reference the phenomenon currently apparently sweeping the globe that does this, but we all know what I'm talking about and the content of the rule largely speaks for itself.

NUMBER FIVE - Don't be afraid of complexity, but don't overcomplicate the simple. Lest you look a twat in the eyes of others.

The world is rarely a simple place, and phenomena taking place within it can rarely be boiled down to one or even a few causes. However, if a piece of analysis is relatively straightforward that doesn't mean that the take offered on it is naive - it may well just be that the issue is fairly straightforward.

NUMBER SIX - Enjoy writing, try and make it so your reader enjoys reading, and break any of these rules sooner than say anything you're uncomfortable with. Lest you look a twat in the eyes of others.

I ripped this one off of Orwell pretty much. As well as having six rules - that's Orwell's to.

FIN.(6)

-----------

(1) The last one isn't strictly true, I think I made £0.02 from AdSense, which I never claimed.

(2) I find that joke funny. In it's original form it was going to be "But there you go, call me a 'power bottom'" but that makes reference to an in-joke. Referencing an in joke has got to be bad form when writing for an, admittedly non-existent, audience. Although, come with me reader as I explain to you that, the joke does work on more than one level. Obviously, it's a play on words, but also it forces the reader to think of me as Hemingway - a latent thought that might actually go unchallenged, because the disgust at the arrogance displayed might be mistaken for disgust at the shit-ness of the play on words. Clever eh'?

(3)Especially the part about me being Hemingway.

(4) Some people don't like Facebook being used for that. For my part I actually think that's what it's best for, because updates of what you had for lunch/engagement /pregnancy are fucking boring and anyway that's what Instagram/Church Noticeboards/Actually speaking to your friends and family is for.

(5)List articles are the fucking worst, as are people who say things are the 'fucking worst' - but I am consciously mirroring the first post on the original blog which had a list of rules I, and by extension everyone because I was a sovereign legislator in a kingdom of (bell)ends, ought to follow when blogging. Given that I wrote it in 2008/09, before BuzzFeed and by extension  list articles per se had taken off, I'm not sure what I was echoing.  It may just have been that it's a lazy way to write and I was a lazy writer. Now it's a lazy and derivative way to write, ergo I'm now a lazy and derivative writer. Which means I've grown as a writer.

(6) The more astute amongst you may have noticed I broke most if not all six of these in the course of this post. Try and see where, answers on the back of a postcard - or not, whatever.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Simpsons Gets Political - SE01 E05 - Bart The General

The Simpsons Gets Political - SE01 E05 - Bart The General "We are happy, we are merry, we've got a rhyming dictionary!" Script synopsis: After defending Lisa from school bully Nelson Muntz, Bart becomes Nelson's latest school bullying target. Sick of the harassment and torment, Bart, Grandpa Simpson, and Herman (a slightly deranged military antique store dealer with a missing arm) rally the town's children into fighting back against Nelson and his cronies. Ultimately forcing Nelson to sign an armistice treaty recognising Bart's right to exist and relinquishing any official power and agreeing to never again raise his fists in anger - only remaining a figure of menace in the neighbourhood. Issue raised: Just War Theory - which claims that war, whilst generally undesirable, is not always the worst option. Furthermore, certain things can justify going to war and sets certain criteria which must be met in order to claim a war as just. Traditiona...

The Simpsons Gets Political - SE01 E01 - The Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire

Sundays are a time for family. But as mine live three-hundred miles away from me I've had to improvise. So on this blog at least. Sundays are a time for a specific family. Namely - The Simpsons. Basically, the idea is that each week I'm going to take an episode of the Simpsons, working through from Season One, Episode One - and ending whenever they decide to give up the ghost or more probably about Season Eleven after which is gets pretty unwatchable, and relate a political issue via the medium of a Simpsons episode. This combines my two greatest passions, gassing on to anyone who'll listen/read about my political beliefs and The Simpsons. Perfect? No? Starting with, as I said; SE1 E01 - The Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire Script synopsis:  It's Christmas time in the Simpsons household, and to hide the fact that he didn't get his Christmas bonus, Homer takes a second job as a store Santa. When his employers as Santa deduct ridiculous fee's and ch...

On Folk Politics: Or why the left can't win.

On folk politics - Or, why the left can't win. "This for the ones who said "Onwards! Comrades! Til' our deaths!" With ruin on their breath, and the weight of centuries on their tongues. Loading failed manifesto's in their guns, as if defeat repeated often enough could some day mean that they had won."  - Pat "The bunny" Schneeweis Where did the future go? At this point it is disturbingly clear which side of the political spectrum has successfully staked its claim in the social imaginary to notions of progress, modernisation and technology. So what is to be done? I'll begin this as is trendy in the style of a man relating to his reader, as if he didn't hold them in the deepest contempt; For my part I can't even join in the standard lament to be found in pieces like this one that prior to the collapse of authoritarian communism in the Eastern Bloc, at least there existed an alternative to really existing capitalism t...